Kevin-
This story was about two brothers who are trying to live together after Steven (one of the brothers), I assume, left his wife. The main conflict is that they cannot afford to live in the house that has been in their family for generations but Steven is too connected to it to leave and William is ready to accept a job and leave the house.
A problem I had with the beginning of your story is that there seems to be a lot of different people introduced in dialogue and action without warning. Aunt Wilma makes a small appearance never to be seen again, and a kid shows up that I didn't know was there. I ended up confused throughout page 2 and onto page 3 when someone named Patrick shows up, never to be seen again (I think this may have been a typo, however). It started at, "Nice throw, Samuel." I never see Samuel again either so I assume that is supposed to be Samantha.
Also, I wish there was more conflict. I think you have good opportunities for higher stakes with the cigarette scene and the scene when the brothers are in the basement shooting pool and drinking. Also with the house meaning so much to the family. I'd like for you to dwell on one longer that you have in this draft and see where it goes.
The last scene was also a bit troublesome for me because I found it somewhat unbelievable. I don't know how a robber would have been able to get all the way into their attic without them noticing him sooner. It seemed strange that the man would go to the attic and not steal their electronics that would be downstairs. It may just be me though.
I think you have a good story with a lot of potential. I think you have a good knack for wording dialogue naturally and you should use that more to your advantage to develop your characters. I liked that you flipped the parenting relationship we normally see in stories to two brothers instead of the nagging parents who want to be divorced or who are divorcing. Cool perspective.
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