Response to Shelby Rice's "A Flicker in the Night"

Shelby -

This short short story was a girl remembering when her mom would tuck her in to go to sleep.

I really love the "nostalgia" -- I am thinking of a different word but I can't remember it -- the reminiscing feeling of this story.  I think you have a strong, clear voice in the story and I like your descriptions; they seem very significant to your story as a whole.

I read this story as if the narrator was a little girl, rather than an older girl reminiscing.  I don't know how much of a problem that is (it could just be that I read it badly) but I wasn't prepared to be pulled back out of the remembering at the end.  The voice saying "Mama" and the descriptions just didn't sound like they were coming from an older girl.  It sounded young.

Also, I want to add that I like the spacing in your story and how you use it to give attention to certain sentences.  However, I do not understand the significance of the ending of the story.  You talk about the mother not coming in but I don't know where she is or why she isn't there or much more than it is different than it used to be for the narrator.  I wonder if the mother died but I feel like that can't be assumed from what is given.  She could be on a long trip for all I know.

I really enjoy your writing.  I really love the smell of the perfume "Mama" wears and how you describe the girl falling asleep.  Very nice to read!