Matt-
This story is about a man and a dog whose home was invaded by two robbers. The dog gets shot but the man attempts to escape at the end.
Your story was very interesting. It kept me engaged the entire time I was reading it because you inserted the main character's thoughts between small scenes of high tension situations. This was not a typical character, truly not a cliche so I was interested in his thoughts because I knew they may not be like mine. I like how you were able to make sitting in front of the TV eating Oreos interesting by your use of description. I think that is what is golden about your story. The thoughtfulness and the detailed images are intriguing. I think you also did a good job making each scene clear. There weren't any instances where I got lost or where I felt the action was inconsistent.
What bothered me the most is there are some words that were typed wrong, for example, "But even now I hesitate, after all that he is done..." I'm pretty sure the "is" should be "has". There were three or four instances like this that bothered me. I also think that the main character's voice was oddly elementary compared the complex words that were inserted every now and then. I completely respect your vocabulary but the strange juxtaposition threw me off. I almost could read it in a child's voice and I don't know too much about the I to know if there is a reason he spoke or thought like that. He also seemed pretty calm for having his dog killed. I came to like the dog because of the first two paragraphs of your story and was sad at the images of his laying there bleeding. I wondered why there wasn't more of an emotional response from the main character. I think I would just like to have more things included that characterize the main character. I would like something that indicated he is a normal businessman that just gets by, no wife, watches TV until he falls asleep and then I may understand why he does what he does and thinks what he thinks more effectively.
No comments:
Post a Comment