Summary:
Two guys, Connor and the narrator, who have been friends, but not best friends, since they were young decide to go on a weekend trip to express their manliness. We see them as they prepare for their trip, pick up beer and snacks, arrive at the cabin, make a fire, and eventually burn down the cabin.
Cole,
First I want to mention the wordiness found in your story that continues through to the end. If you would comb through and delete unnecessary words, the voice of your narrator would mature and you would leave yourself more room for characterization and setting descriptions that I found lacking. Second, I felt that neither of your characters were wanting in your story. Sure, they both wanted to act manly but I didn’t see the significance of this to Connor or the narrator other than simply to reproduce old times. Even if your narrator wants to remember days past, that can be a good desire to put in him. Just take it further so that the reader can experience tension alongside him. To please your reader, you really need to include him or her. I wanted to feel alongside Connor and the narrator but I never got to bridge the gap that stood between their story and my feelings about it. I felt distanced from them when I would rather be in their heads feeling joy when they feel joy and worry when they feel worry and all that jazz.
I did like the comedic instances you included in the thoughts and speech of the narrator. I think that can be used effectively, especially in the case of having characters who are college aged. I also think there is an extent to which it can be too much so you will have to be careful. I do suggest you keep it though. I also think you have a good plot in your hands. I think the story has good potential and there are a lot of places you can add tension and such.
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