Response to Janelle Green's "Safe"

Janelle -

Your short story is about a girl, Alexandra, who has a fear of men.  She finds herself faced with her fears when a masked man breaks in and tries to rape her.  By the end we find out this man was her dad.

I think your story is relatable because I have such similar fears to Alexandra, not because my parents are divorced but because I'm just a fearful person and I think you got those details exactly right.  I also liked that you used the dog to indicate that something is different from normal.  You did a good job of creating that suspense and drawing it out over a period that isn't too long but long enough for the reader to be engaged.

I feel like there are places where you can be more specific about what Alexandra is seeing or doing that would give the reader more of a sense of setting.  For example, on page 3 "Nope, just a black street, a sidewalk, and a lonely stop sigh, a few bushes, and my car."  I think you could describe the yard more fully in a way that lends to the creepiness she is feeling and even further in a way that characterizes her or her parents more.  I'd say the same thing about your opening paragraph.  If you included a scene in there rather than examples, it may become a stronger statement about Alexandra's fears rather than a comical list of her fears.

Overall, I'd like to know more about why the parents divorced because I didn't expect the dad to be the one to try and rape her (however I did think it was cool that it explains why the door could be opened, because he may have had a key to the house).  I would also like to know more specifics about Alexandra that make her a person so that she doesn't act like every other girl her age would but she has unique things that make her stand out as a character.

I enjoyed it!