Response to Kevin Boy's "Where to Start?"

Kevin -

Your story is about Darroll, a teenager who has been under the dictatorship of his parents for far too long and by the end he decides to do something about it.

First, I really enjoy the comedic details you have included like "Kingdoms, homes, prisons?  They're the same if you ask me."  Also, the part about the worn out bean bag being his throne watching the dinosaur wallpaper.  It's interesting to see how the wallpaper changes throughout the story too.  I shows the passage of time as he has gotten older and also how his compliance is fading and peeling just as the boyish wallpaper has.

I feel like you have many different directions you can go with this story.  You have a lot of detail but I don't feel like any of it is particularly followed up.  For example, you talk about the dad being consumed with SportsCenter and a nagging mother but I'd like more insight into why they are that way, even if you have the character speculating.  Also, I thought something scary was going to happen in the basement because of the way you introduced it, but Darroll actually found a sort of redemption there by finding his grandfather's will.  And you also have the one day experience at school.  Right now it is funny but I would like for it to reveal more about Darroll or his parents as characters.

I am guessing this story isn't a complete draft because I feel like it stopped right when you had begun to put in the climax of the story, before that we just have backstory basically.  Like I said earlier, you have a lot of options to take it places.  I just suggest you go in a direction that you have never heard of before because the parents in this story are pretty typical parents and it is pretty typical for a boy to hate them for their seeming ignorance and instead find solace in pursing a car.  I also saw the car thing coming so if there is a way that you can make him obtaining the car less deus ex machina and more full of conflict I think it would work better.

Overall, I enjoyed what you have so far and I enjoy the humor!