Response to Shelby Rice's "The Bleeps and Blips of Life"

Shelby -

The short story you wrote is about a woman named Anna who ultimately deals with the decision of whether or not to take her dad off life support.  During that time she comes against hard feelings she has for her sister, Karen, and her mother.

Overall, I think this story is very well written.  The biggest problem I had was that the mom and the dad seem like a cliche version of moms and dads in stories.  I think they were predictable because they remained the same for the story.  The mom was mean and the dad was Anna's favorite.  The part I was most enraptured in was the scene that Anna's dad had broken glass in his wrist because it was different, something I had never read before and it worked to characterize him, set him apart from any other dad.

I do think the relationship between the sisters was interesting too, not cliche.  I think it worked really well for the story and it made Anna really interesting that she had such a hard time accepting her sister.

Another thing to address is that I feel like Anna was long winded about how her mother didn't like her and how much she disliked her sister.  I feel like at some points it may get a bit pity party-ish just because she is reiterating the bad relationships more than once.

I love love love the first two paragraphs (the description of the hospital).  So creative!  That is such a perfect description.  I also think you did a great job describing the scene where the dad gets broken glass stuck in his wrist.  I think you are really good at providing enough information when it comes to scenes so maybe you should include a more specific one for the mother?

Good job, Shelby.  I really enjoyed reading this!